Dear Provo,

It's not you, it's me.

Okay, it's a little bit you. You just can't give me what I want right now. I need a little bit more adventure, you know? The chance to really "find myself."  (I know that's cliche, but break-up letters are supposed to be.)

We've had some good times together.
Remember that freshman year prank war? That was great.
There was that one time a guy walked in and tried to steal our TV while we just sat there until Melanie yelled at him and he apologized and left. That was weird. Hey, we found out who it was and it turns out he's married now! There's hope for everyone.
You taught me how to run consistently, which was balanced out by me becoming really, really good at making cakes.
You brought me my first opera, my first love (and my first heartbreak, thanks...), my first really bad grade, my first roommates, my first emotional crisis, my first friend's wedding, my first cushy desk job, my first all-nighter, and my first below zero temperature experience.

I'm not going to lie to you, though, you had a lot of your own issues.
Snow in June? Just, why?
Don't even get me started on the dating scene.
Also, you're a ridiculous bubble. And while that kept me safe and protected and prevented my unlocked bike from being stolen, it also included prejudices and judginess. Oh, and a lot of tools and bro-bags.
I'll be fair, though, I know I'll find those things everywhere. Yours are just so...concentrated.

So, Provo, you've grown on me and I love you a lot more than I ever thought I would. I'm genuinely going to miss your foodtrucks and ice cream shops. The cocoa bean, Sammy's (oh, MAN, how I'm going to miss Sammy's), Sodalicious, the temples, cherry blossoms in spring, the first snowfall (and only the first one), strangers smiling at me on the sidewalk, friends across the hall, rent-a-puppy, wannabe hipsters...so many things that make giving you up hard. But, especially the people.


Speaking of people, I have to acknowledge the star players you gave me.

(Mostly in order of appearance)
Karoline: Karyine/Kardine/K-Fish, sorry about the one time I teased you about stomping up the stairs. You have grown so much and it's been a pleasure to watch it happen. You can do anything you want. A committed Karoline? Intimidating stuff. Don't be afraid of the big bad world after graduation. I could always count on you for a health crisis or embarrassing stories and it was the best. Please give me tall dancer babies, but not too soon.
Sorensen family: Thank you so much for taking me into your home and making my feel like a part of the family.

Melanie: M-cat, Kelanie, can we just appreciate that we have a couple name?  You're the scariest person I know, and I'm glad I got on your good side. Was it our disney duets or our mutual hatred for humans freshman year that did the trick? I'm not gonna question it. I could always count on you to bravely verbalize what I was thinking. Your hair in the morning is awesome. I'm going to let the world in on a secret, you're a big sweetie. It's all a facade. Some come on in, world, and knock down the Melanie walls. She secretly likes it. Melanie, you're just solid and you never back down to whatever challenge life throws at ya. I would never watch twilight sarcastically with anyone else.

Conner: My northwest kindred spirit. You took two homebody little freshmen and became their friends by sure willpower. People's defenses are useless against you because you're so hospitable and forward about it. Please make me another malt as soon as I see you.

Josh: To this day, the best guy I know. Even if you don't believe it or see it, other people do. You can do hard things, so stop being such a stress ball. It takes one to know one.

My 204 girls: No one knows how I became a pseudo-roommate, but I'm glad I did. Never ever a dull moment and more importantly, never a lonely moment. There's never a shortage of singing at 204, and there's always someone praying for you.
Stef: My heterosexual life partner. I don't know how you have your life so together, and I know you don't think you do, but trust me, you're light years ahead of me and most people. You're an old soul and the most genuine person I know. You care about every person you meet and you are truly inspiring.
Syd: I have had zero conversations with you sitting in a normal position. You always laugh at my jokes, and so I like having you around ;). No one is left out around you, because you can talk to anyone for hours. I think sometimes you don't see how brave you are, but that is one of your greatest strengths.
Alexa/Hannah: I'm grouping you as one because you are my little freshmen. Both of you have handled this year remarkably and I wish I was sticking around to see the next few. Trust the Spirit and do what feels right, even if your brain is running in circles. I've watched you make hard decisions already and I know you'll have more, but you two can handle it.
Ky: KITS. I have appreciated having a second closet all year, and I don't know what I'm going to do without it.  Kylie, you have an unprecedented ability to lead others and that is a gift and a curse. I know things haven't always gone the way you planned them and situations didn't turn out the way you pictured them. But you are strong enough to handle the changes. Have patience, because all the good in the world is coming your way for your fierce loyalty and unwavering support.
Britt: B-freshy fresh fresh, you are a joy. You make everyone around you laugh, not only because you're ridiculously hilarious, but also because you have a way of lightening any situation. And bringing people together; you're the queen of mixing friend groups. I've always admired your dedication to everything you take on from school to work to cooking without leftovers. You know how to prioritize and you don't get distracted. I'm sorry we never made our quilt this summer... haha.
Shlee: ash, bb. Talk about quiet strength. I am continually surprised by your life experiences and so impressed with the way you handle everything with grace. And you're really great at putting things into an eternal perspective. Yours is a life of commitment to God's will, and that has been a great example for me this year, and I'm sure everyone else would say the same.
Nan: Sometimes we're the same person, you're just a lot nicer and more extroverted than I am. You make me laugh until my abs hurt. You are so caring and empathetic. Stop being a dang chicken and go let everyone else love you like we love you! Sorry, about the tough love, but you can take it. Thanks for being sarcastic with me but never actually being a tiny bit mean. You sweet doe.
Alyssa: lyssie freaking lou. You are without a doubt the most generous person I know. And maybe in the entire world. You drop everything for your friends, and that is rare, my friend. You're a pusher even when you don't mean to. We all have to get out of our comfort zones just to keep up with you. I'm not sure you even have a comfort zone. If you do, you have no problem breaking out of it. Thanks for making us all a little braver.

Jared: Sometimes I want to strangle you. But I don't, because then I would have no one to complain to. And you are that person for all of your friends. Which, to me seems like a sucky role, but you enjoy being a safe place for others to say what they really think. Although you are very opinionated, you are also good at just listening.And you've gotten so much better at discerning when to do either haha.


There are so many other wonderful people I've met because of you, Provo. And they've taught me more about life than my schooling has.
So maybe I'm leaving you without knowing what I'll be doing in six months. And maybe I don't know what my career will be or what school I'll graduate from. But because of you Provo, I have a little bit better understanding of who I am.

So, it's nothing personal, Provo.
We can still be friends, right?

Kelli

Introductions

Blog, meet Arizona.

I know, I know, I should have introduced you 5 months ago when I first met AZ, but did you really expect anything else?

I have a lot more sunshiney goodness where these pictures came from, but for now I'll just leave it at some favorite snaps from my first journey there in February for the Gilbert temple open house.

My "roommates"+Matt+Mike+me road tripped down to Gilbert for Presidents' Day weekend.

Heads up: Sometimes 10-hour road trips turn into 13-hour road trips. 

But, it's bearable as long as you have shotgun, the entire Coldplay discography, and Matt in your car to say things like, "They should call the luggage things on top of cars 'nap centers.'" Dream on, Matt. DREAM ON.

Should you venture to Phoenix anytime soon, please go to LoLo's chicken and waffles.

They have Kool-Aid on tap and they play TLC.

Trust me, it's exactly as you're picturing it.

I know after the great longboard crash of 2012 I said I would never go longboarding again, but it was 85 degrees outside. IN FEBRUARY. I take it all back.

Shout out to this lake-rando.

Hi, yes, bonfires in the desert in February are cool. In case you had any doubts. Also, yeah this is where Tristan and I met, so I bet you feel so connected to me now, don't you?

Hellooooooooo, Citrus!

I couldn't get enough of the lemons and oranges and grapefruits people just had sprouting in their backyards. 

Some of it managed to make the trip home with us.

I've been back several times since February, so don't worry, many more oranges and cacti will make appearances around here real soon (ish).

Also, you can bet the trip was live-tweeted and instagrammed, so you can check that out at #204doesZona or #onecrAZyweekend. Although fair warning, I am not the only person in history to use the latter hashtag, if ya catch my drift. 

You don't need an excuse to eat ice cream.

Happy July, y'all!

In case you didn't already know, July is national ice cream month. It's a thing, I promise.

And a couple weeks ago I just so happened to whimsically buy an ice cream maker.

Hey, remember how I'm supposed to be lactose intolerant? (YOLO, can't be tamed, etc.)

Maybe I'm going through a 2/7 life crisis, but I've been making a loooooot of ice cream. And I'm really only being patriotic and showing appreciation for this blessed month, right?

First up:

Now, I'm not going to brag about how good this ice cream is. But Kylie did say she was going to dream about it, so there's that. And because I'm so generous, I'm going to share the recipe with you.

*This recipe is for a 1.5 quart ice cream maker.

Ingredients:

2 cups heavy cream

1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

2/3 cup sugar

8 oz. strawberry cream cheese

2 tsp. vanilla

1 cup graham cracker crumbs

4 tbsp. butter

1-2 cups strawberries

Directions:

Ice Cream Base:

Using a whisk attachment, beat heavy cream until stiff peaks form. (You can use a stand mixer or a hand mixer.)Add condensed milk and sugar. Mix until combined.Add cream cheese and mix well until lumps are gone.Add vanilla and mix  until just combined.

Graham Cracker Crust:

In a separate bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs and melted butter. Mix with a fork until combined.

Freeze according to ice cream maker's instructions. Once the ice cream has churned to desired consistency, fold in strawberries and graham cracker crust. You can either serve as soft-serve, or freeze for 1-2 hours to firm it up. I prefer my ice cream a little harder.

Final step: devour in one sitting.

Here, have an outfit post.

Nevermind that these pictures were taken almost two months ago. 

One time we were walking out of the Awful Waffle and I just saw this adorable yellow table down the sidewalk. And an outfit just popped into my head. An outfit that I didn't own. Totally normal, right? Leave it to me to purchase a new dress for the sake of a picture with a yellow table.

Shout out to Nan for indulging my ridiculous notions and taking these fun pictures for me! It's so awesome having a roommate that knows their way around a DSLR (and Nan knows her way well) who can take pictures for me so that I don't have 500 pictures of self-timer gone wrong at the end of an outfit shoot.

My hard drive thanks you, Hannah.

weekend haps.

IT'S OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL. I now live at #classic204. Really it hasn't been that much of a transition since I was only ever at my apartment to sleep anyway. Still exciting all the same.

Things that have happened this weekend:

Friday:

• 4 AM cleaning party! 
• 7 AM move everything to 204 party!
• Emotional breakdown number one of the weekend.
• I spent way too much money and bought myself tickets to Paul McCartney for my birthday. I'm not even sorry about it. Bad for the bank account, good for the soul? That's probably my life motto.
• New shoes!
• Chinese takeout and The Office rewatch.
• I finally played the game "2048." But only because this happened.
• skype times.
• Emotional breakdown number 2.

Saturday:

• My first official #classic204 morning: Brittney's alarm is "Winnie the Pooh." It was far too early for me to be awake on a Saturday. There was a lot of singing. And brownies for breakfast. Which almost made up for the earliness.
• The start of the back pain.
• Adventures as Kylie's roommate: There is a lot of baby talk for which I apologize. We're wondering how long it will take us to want to kill each other. Also, my closet was already half-full just from clothes Ky gave me and clothes I had left over there. I hadn't even touched my suitcases. We also discovered we can sit inside our sinks!
• ICE CREAM BREAK. I had been wanting ice cream from macey's for 3 weeks and everyone was sick of me whining about it. Not sorry.
• Unpacking boooooo.

Sunday:

• The back pain to end all back pain. I complained out loud that I never want to be pregnant because I'll be in constant pain. Kylie says from across the room, "..I think God will help you!" ...hashtag Sunday.
• Of course, every time I don't want to go to Church it ends up being really good when I stick it out.
• ...except for Michael P. Swindle the Third bringing my personal life into the Sunday school discussion. Swindle struggles.
• Generally overwhelmed by responsibility at Church since Ali is gone and I have no idea what I'm doing.
• Waffles for din din!
• 3 hours of people sitting in the living room playing 2048, saying weeeeeeird things, and lyssie lou giving massages.
• emotional breakdown number 3 from all the back pain in the world.

So... it was a rough weekend emotionally and physically for me. 

I really wish I were home for the summer and it's been hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm staying in Provo. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be here right now, but I just don't know why yet, and it doesn't change that I don't really want to be here. 

That being said, I love my apartment and I love my friends and I am so excited for all the fun things we're going to do this summer. I'm grateful that I've made such good friends this year that make my apartment feel like a home, because that makes it a lot easier to be away from mine all summer. So thank you to all my "schmoopsie poos" as Brittney would say.

Oh! 4 more sleeps until I roadtrip with Ky and Lyss to Arizona! Good things are on the horizon.

How to have a good weekend.

1. Invite an Arizonan to come visit you.
2. Obtain Thin Mints

3. Get some good news (coming soon!)
3. Watch Doctor Who
4. Go to Salt Lake
5. See your friend sing her little patootie off.
6. Go on a bike ride only to find that you can't reach your destination.

7. Enjoy your new destination.

8. Wear matching Sharknado shirts.

That's it. That's all you need. But I should probably tell you step 1 is pretty important.

General Conference

Last weekend was General Conference.

On Saturday we watched it 204. Maybe I ate an entire Totino's pizza. And maybe Kylie makes really good cinnamon rolls. And maybe we live-tweeted it. And maybe that distracted me a little bit. 

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

But Sunday Shlee (Ashley) hooked us up with tickets for the afternoon session. Which is still just as cool as it was the first time I got to go to conference. 

And yeah, maybe we outfit-coordinated. I can't be sure.

Home is:

A couple weeks ago I went home for Matty's homecoming from Brazil!

And I discovered how to Washington:

1. Trees. I mean, evergreens, duh. But also cherry blossoms.

2. Every good Washington experience requires an excursion with old friends. Even if that excursion is to McDonald's and Subway. Also, faces. My friends are totally normal, I swear.

3. My Washington experiences coming home the last three years are finding an empty refrigerator. Because my parents only eat salad and chicken. ...why. But this time my dad was on a green smoothie thing. So I'll drink to that.

4. Daffodils. Now, I know Utah has been tricking you into thinking that daffodils are its thing. BUT THEY'RE NOT. Daffodils are for Washington. Get in line, Utah.

5. Probably spend some time with your nephew. 

Favorite Dillan quote for the weekend: "Kehwee, when I grow up, I jump in puddles and get ice cream by myself." 

I mean, if those are your goals for adulthood, rock on, dude. 

6. Oh, flowers and stuff.

And that, my friends, is how you Washington.

Follow-up:

It's now been about three weeks since my last post. And I really really have been intending to write a response to the feedback I got on it. But, let's be real. I'm not a good blogger in the first place, let alone at the end of the semester. So here it is, albeit belated.

*************

A big, fat THANK YOU to everyone who read, commented, shared, laughed at, hated etc. my previous post about Mormon feminism.

Seriously.

The weekend after I wrote that post, I went home to Washington. When I left I already had a lot of views and comments on the post. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to people who were taking time to read a young, naive, 20-year-old girl's post on a pretty weighty topic.
When I landed in Sea-Tac that night, I got a lot of e-mail notifications about comments from complete strangers. I looked at the post to see it was already over 2000 views.
After a mini panic-attack, I discovered that Joanna Brooks had shared my post on her facebook, thus garnering all the views and comments.

All weekend I was pretty overwhelmed. Which, sure, might be a little pathetic. But I honestly feel like this is such a big issue and that my opinions are very minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

After thinking about it for a few days, I realized that as young as I may be, my message was important.

Because my message wasn't "you should share this opinion" or "everything you know is wrong."
My message was, and is, that no matter where your opinions are on these sensitive topics, we should all try to be a little bit more loving and Christlike when we discuss them.

Regardless of how you feel about Mormon feminism and Ordain Women, I'm sure you can agree with that.

So, yes. I'm young. And no, I'm not your stereotypical feminist. But that doesn't make what I have to say any less relevant or important.

fin.

Also, if you want to read my daddy's response to my "coming out," you can get dat here.

Making me emotional today (and a lot of the time).

Hello, friends. Today I am going to discuss the Ordain Women's movement and Mormon feminism.
...Well, it's not much of a discussion since I am just typing at you. But, semantics. Also, I rode a tiger today.

Just kidding, I didn't really ride a tiger. But I wanted to make sure you didn't stop reading as soon as you saw "Ordain Women" or "Mormon feminism."

Disclaimer: the views in this post are strictly my own. Although they may be shared by many, there are a multitude of opinions surrounding these subjects. I do not wish to say that I represent all LDS women. Because I do not. And neither does anyone else who shares their opinion about these topics.

So, here we go!

I am a young Mormon feminist.

What that statement means: 

I support equal political, religious, economic, and social rights for women to those of men.

What that statement does NOT mean:

-I hate men.

-I believe women are better than men.

-I believe men and women are the same.
-I believe women should work instead of raise families.
-All women are oppressed everywhere.

I am a feminist because:

-I have to even qualify my above statement.

-My religion teaches that all are alike in the sight of God. That includes men and women.

-Because people still insult men by saying, "Don't be such a girl."

-Because our society teaches us that, sexually, women are a lock and men are the key.

-Because the "Friend Zone" is an idea that exists. NEWS FLASH: being a kind and generous friend to a woman does not mean you have earned the privilege of being more than a friend. You should treat all people that way in general. Women are not machines that you put kindness and gifts into in order to "earn" a physical relationship.

-In relation to the above point, when a man has a crush on a woman who doesn't return the feeling, we pity him and root for him. When a woman continues to pursue her crush on a man that doesn't reciprocate, it is seen as creepy or pathetic. See every teen movie ever for examples of this.

-Our society associates a woman's worth with her sex life. If women have sex before marriage, they're a "slut." If they're not having sex, they're a "prude."

-We teach that rape is the fault of the victim. If she was drinking, or dressing inappropriately, or flirting, then it is her fault that a man forcibly had sex with her.

-Because I once had a guy friend say, "Women should start by being interesting and attractive..." Women do not exist to please men. Women exist to live their lives just like every other human.

I am a Mormon feminist because:

-Girls at my school have the mindset that they're only getting their education so they can have a career if "something happens to their husband."

-In General Conference, men give talks on all subjects. Women give talks on family and womanhood. Women are just as capable of giving talks on doctrinal principles like the atonement, priesthood, etc.

-When I was in young women, our lessons about the priesthood usually involved having a member of the bishopric come and teach us about it, instead of my female leaders teaching the doctrine.

-Women are seen as "weaker" or not feminist if they are stay at home Moms.

-Women are taught to dress modestly because men can't control their thoughts. Guess what? That idea is degrading to men, who can control their thoughts and actions.

-According to Deseret Book statistics, men buy doctrinal books, but women buy self-help books.

I could probably list many many many more reasons. But for the sake of my paper I have yet to start that's due tomorrow, I'll end there.

So yes, I am a young Mormon feminist. But, no, I am not a member of the Ordain Women movement. And guess what? That's okay. You know what else is okay? Being a part of that movement.

I don't support Ordain Women because I personally do not believe that women need to, or necessarily should, hold the priesthood. That being said, I do greatly appreciate and respect the movement.

In the last week, as the Church sent a letter to the organization requesting that they refrain from protest at the General Priesthood session, the internet has blown up in my little Mormon circle.

I am all for people debating this subject and sharing their opinions and becoming more educated about the topic. But I have been so disappointed and discouraged by the lack of civility, let alone love and Christ-like conduct, that has been shown throughout the discourse. It is one thing to disagree, but it is another entirely to insult, demean or belittle others. On either side. Because when it comes down to it, each side is trying their best to live their faith in a way that they feel is right. It is never, ever okay to question someone's testimony or religious commitment because their opinion differs from yours. EVER. And, unfortunately, I have seen that a lot over the last few days. People saying that ordain women lack faith, or don't understand the Gospel. That is not true, and it is rude and hurtful to those who support Ordain Women.

Although I don't personally agree, I can relate to the reasons behind Ordain Women. Most members of the Church are not aware that in the early days of the reorganization, women gave blessings and healed the sick just as often as men did. Joseph Smith wanted all the Saints to participate in the blessings of the priesthood, and he encouraged any who had faith enough to bless and heal others to do so. That practice was lost, and I understand the desire to bring that back. I also deeply and profoundly understand the desire to be more equal in the Church.

I just don't personally believe that ordaining women is the way to do so. 

Do I sometimes feel unequal in this Church? If I'm being honest, absolutely.

But that is because of the reasons I stated above, not because of my lack of holding the priesthood.

I personally feel that I have the same access to the blessings of the priesthood as the men that hold it. 

So, no, I don't want women to receive the priesthood. What I want is for women to take charge of their current roles and responsibilities in the Church and in their lives as equals to men.

For example, so many women desire to participate in Priesthood session of General Conference. And last conference, the session was made available online for all to watch. Which is wonderful and right. But for years before, it was a constant struggle. Yet how often do women of the Church show that much interest in going to the Relief Society or Young Women's sessions? I don't see women clamoring to attend those, which are just as applicable to their lives.

I see women fulfilling their roles in the Gospel primarily through service. Which is great. But how often do we see women striving to become scholars of our religious doctrine? There are six female religion professors on staff at BYU. Six. The dogmatic culture in this Church has taught us that to fulfill their roles as members, men teach doctrine and women serve. We teach that the world has enough tough women, and that we need women who are tender. But you know what?

The world also has enough tough men. We need more men who are tender.

Why do we not teach our men to become more Christlike through service, and encourage our women to become Gospel scholars?

In my opinion, there are so many other ways that women can live up to their roles in the Gospel besides being ordained to the priesthood. And I think we need to seize those opportunities first.

While I do have a testimony of the truth of this Gospel, I know, and I hope everyone also knows, that the Church itself is imperfect and run by imperfect people. We are all imperfect. Maybe ordaining women is God's will. Maybe it isn't. But it is always God's will for us to be loving toward one another. Let's use the awareness brought on by these debates to learn how to empathize with one another, to understand others, and to address concerns in order to make improvements in the imperfections of the Church instead of letting it polarize us. Let's just all be a little more Christ-like.

So, I'll just end with this quote by Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Imperfect people are all god has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to him, but he deals with it…so should we!"

Making Me Emotional Today: Missionaries

I am a 20 year-old female in Provo. Consequently, most of my dude friends are also 20 year-old males from church. Which means that most of them are on missions. And therefore, all three of my best dudes are on missions.

Okay, that's cool, so why is it making me emotional today? Well, I realized Matty Patty gets home in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. I'm going home for his homecoming and I could not be more excited about it. Matty is my oldest dude. I've known him since I was four. You can read more about our friendship here. I would like to take this moment to point out that I did indeed follow through on my statement at the bottom of that post.

Anyway. I just started thinking about these three wonderful boys (are they men now? I feel weird calling them men.) and how important all of them have been in my life. And I'm so proud of them for their choices to serve. All of them have been ridiculously exemplary missionaries. Ridiculously. I'm so excited for them to start coming home so we can start new adventures!

Here are my favorite Mat quotes from our emails over the last two years:

-"I don't know how relationships are...just companionships and they are ALMOST the same thing. Minus the lots of hugging and cuddling and occasional kiss...it's just not the same."

-"I don't like boys either. I'm actually getting really tired of them, too. I just want to hang out with girls for once."

-"Kiss a boy and study hard!"

wow it has just become VERY obvious what we talk about...

ah, Elder Conner House.

The first words I ever heard Conner say were, "My name is Conner House. I love Russian choral music and fine cheeses." And that's when I knew. Conner is a stud. I cannot wait to set him up with all my friends when he gets home. No shame. I would have been lost Spring term without Conner's magical cooking and his t-shirt quilts for canyon movie parties. I miss those. I am freaked the freak out that he has been gone 18 months. It feels like two days ago that I was 18 and drawing him pictograms in Econ.

Favorite Elder House quotes:

-"Working like a dog, but not smelling like one."

-"At times a close my eyes and click the heels of my well-worn but polished dress shoes together and say, 'there's no place like the field, there's no place like the field, there's no place like the field...' But when I open my eyes there's still a long list of office tasks to be completed."

-"I love Curitiba. She's a bit moody when it comes to weather, but her only major flaw is that she doesn't have cheddar cheese."

And with the longest to go... Elder Joshua Black.

Black's my number one dude. And if you've read my blog you've probably heard of him.

I miss being able to sass him in real life. Officially accepting applications for my new sass-outlet.

#sokorean

favorite Elder Black quotes:

-"Well, I am really handsome. ...But like not in jest. I am a hunk."

-"My psyche is not very complicated, actually. 1. Food 2.Sleep 3. Missionary work/don't let the branch blow itself up. 4. Done."

Dudes. Come home soon. I need some sane, intelligent males in my life.

Things that are making me emotional today

So maybe last night I watched the same Mormon Message three times in a row and teared up every time.

And maybe I listened to this song this morning and got some real tear action going.

And maybe I'm sitting here making cookies while Hannah studies listening to it again.

And maybe I decided since I never blog anymore I'm going to start posting all the things that are making me emotional every day. So here's day one:

you'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs

On actual Valentine's Day I will be in a car for 9 hours. So I need an outlet for my love of the holiday.

For today I thought I would give you all a rundown of my favorite/most applicable love songs!

You should probably be feeling some excitement right about now.

To start with, my general favorite love song.

The Beatles-I Will

 

And now for our walk down my love-memory lane.

First, from the years of high school through my first year of college:

The Civil Wars- To Whom it May Concern

This was my self-declared life theme song for a few years. All about being in love with the person you're going to end up with, but not having even met them yet. You can miss a person you've never met, I believe that. And that really was how I felt for a long time. Having met a lot more people since I was 18, I don't know that I can make the argument anymore that I haven't met who I'll end up with yet. So yeah, internet, I just admitted that. Judge me.

ehem. MOVING ON.

So anyway. After meeting a boy that made me feel like maybe I could do this whole feelings thing, I changed my tune. (ha. get it. tune. HA.)

But then he left.

Didn't we all see that coming.

Anyway, after he left I realized that I had been really stupid about love and relationships. I had built up this idea that I needed the affection of a guy to be happy. Which leads me to...

circa 2013

Ellie Goulding-JOY

"I figured out that joy is not in your arms. I know I'll always ache with an empty heart."

Like, okay, Ellie, I get it.

After I worked on myself for awhile, and discovered self-esteem inside myself instead of from outside sources, there was a lot of this:

post-Sophomore year

Andrew WK-Let's Go On A Date

Okay, my apologies if you actually listened to that song hahaha. I heard it at work and couldn't resist.

Present

The dating games in Provo are like nowhere else in the world. And they leave me feeling like this:

Slow Club-When I Go

 Honestly I find this song adorable. But seriously, anyone wanna make this pact with me? I'm accepting applications.

Sometimes, sometimes, dates (and non-dates, I guess) aren't horrible. And that's when I suddenly have the desire to sing this song to potential interests:

April Smith and the Great Picture Show-Movie Loves a Screen

That general sentiment usually lasts approximately 1 hour before I realize three things:

1. I am a chicken.

2. I am so content being single.

3. I hate dating.

So then I come back to...

The Zombies-The Way I Feel Inside

But, GUYS. I still love love. And I may not be romantic and I may "ruin the moment" sometimes (read: almost always), I'm still keeping on until................

Future

This is how I want to feel about love:

Queen-My Best Friend

And there you have it, folks.

cramming.

For the first time in my entire life, I'm cramming for a test I have to take tomorrow morning. So naturally, I'm procrastinating. I'm ashamed of how much Mountain Dew I've had today. But I'm not ashamed of how many times I've listened to this song in the last four hours. And I mean, it's been a lot.

Karen O+Ezra Koenig, The Moon Song

I feel like this is as good a time as any to admit my love for Ezra Koenig.

I mean, look at the little cutie patootie:

We can get Horchata any time, babe.

if I existed in the form of a valentine's day card

...these are the ones I would be.

(Emily McDowell)

(pagefiftyfive)

(JulieAnnArt)

(witsicle)

(RowHouse14)

So now you all know what a strange, strange sense of humor I have. Happy Valentine's season!

Leavenworth, WA

Leavenworth is a little Bavarian town in Washington. It goes all-out at Christmas time with a tree lighting and little shops and it looks like a picture out of a book. Every year we go and freeze and spend too much money, and every year we go back.

My nephews hold hands in the car and it is way too cute.

Don't worry, that one on the right there was when the car was stopped.

Dillan got to go sledding with Mommy and Daddy and his cousins.

And I got to work on my front-carrying skills. Uh... we can wait on that for a loooooong time.

And now back to Provo we go.