Day 3:

well hello, hardest day of the challenge. so far, anyway.

At first, I was feeling totally fine with walking out the door makeup-less.

Until I decided to take these pictures and post them on the internet.

I can't put my thoughts into a succinct post, so I will just direct you over to Kylie's post. She said it better than I could.

But I will just add that I missed my lipstick today.

Tomorrow: Making peace with your weight.

Day 2:

First of all, can we acknowledge the major ginger-ness happening in this photo?

Just announcing to you all that I am still, in fact, a blonde. Despite what this photo looks like. Hey, thanks terrible tungsten lighting!

Not that I'm complaining, I want to be a ginger so badly. I'm at peace with this photo. But I'm also at peace with my natural blonde. Hence the reason I've never dyed it. 

(well, that, and fradey-cat syndrome.)

I want to start off by thanking everyone for the wonderful responses I received on yesterday's post.

I have had a lot of people comment here or facebook, via text, facebook message, and even in person. So thank you for validating my decision to share this with the entire internet.

Let's get down to business!

I would like to honor this day of making peace with my hair by reminiscing on some of my finer points in hair couture throughout my life.

Oh I just thought of the perfect title for this section:

A walk down memory MANE.

ha. hahaha.

Exhibit A: Infancy

I would like to take this opportunity to inform all of you that my nickname as a baby was "Kelvis."

As in, a mixture between Kelli and Elvis.

I think the pictures above probably reveal why, but just in case you're still wondering, my hair had a mind of its own. My mom tried gel, water, and every mother's last weapon: spit.

To no avail.

Childhood:

Oh yes, please let's talk about how I had the same haircut until I was 11. 90s moms sure knew where it was at.

The emerging year:

Let's appreciate that side pony. If you didn't rock that in the mid-2000s, either you're lying or you need to relive your puberty years. And may I point out a major development in the life of my hair:

SIDE BANGS.

Those were actually a good look for me, I kept them all the way until college when I got annoyed with always having hair in my face. And forehead breakouts. Not a fan.

One last classic for the books:

Sadly, our walk has reached its end.

For the last several years, I generally have felt at peace with my hair.

Sure it has its crazy days. But generally it does what I want it to and I take good care of it.

That being said, it was really nice to wake up today, brush it, and be done.

I didn't have to plan any extra time to do it.

And I realized that although I do very little to it, the way it looks after I've styled it is a lot different than the way it looks naturally. The waves aren't as even and the ends are frizzy.

But it didn't matter to me.

It's soft and it's fun to whip around when I'm dancing and it makes me feel feminine. A little extra frizz and a few stray waves don't change any of that.

Tomorrow: Making peace with your face (YIKES.)

Recapturing Beauty Challenge

...hello?
anybody there?

oh, hey! it's been awhile!

But I finally have something motivating enough to put blogging higher on my list of priorities!

I want to talk about something really special and important that you may or may not have heard about before.

It's the

 BYU Women's Resources Recapturing Beauty Challenge.

This is a 10-day challenge that BYU Women's Resources puts on every year about helping women to discover their personal beauty. This year's theme is all about making peace.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kylie asked me to participate in this challenge as part of a feature she wanted to do for her blog.

A word on Kylie:

Kylie is one lovely lady who you should all blog-stalk on the regular.

We met in Women's Chorus freshman year and luckily for my ears, she sat right behind me.

She just told me that she was a little in love with me but was scared to talk to me a lot that year. I remember a lot of mutual outfit-complimenting. 

The secret lady-crush was mutual, Kylie.

So how lucky was I that she showed up in my ward this year? Luckier than that song by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. 

For the next ten days, Kylie is featuring a guest post daily from ten wonderful women about each of the challenges on her blog.

I was beyond excited and honored when she asked me to participate.

I'm going to do some posts of my own throughout the challenge, but day number seven will be over on her adorable page.

So here is why I am participating, and why I think you should, too:

I have rarely, rarely felt like a "beautiful" girl. And rarely even pretty. And I have a terrible inferiority complex that tells me my personality isn't enough to make up for the lack in the aesthetics department.

That feeling has been reinforced by a lot of things.

There were the years of petty girls all the way through high school (and even a handful now).

An impossible cultural and societal standard of beauty to live up to.

When I was a late bloomer in the relationship department, I had always convinced myself that somehow it was because I wasn't good-looking enough for boys to pay attention to me.

Terrible tagged photos on the internet.

And let's not forget those changing-room mirrors.

As I was thinking about participating in this challenge, I realized that I had never taken the time to feel beautiful for myself.

The time when I was most happy with the way I looked and felt as a person, was when there was a very nice boy to reassure me of those things on a daily basis. Which is not a bad thing, but that boy is on the other side of the world now, and I have realized that my entire life,

I have relied on the opinions of others to determine my view of my own beauty.

Which is really a shame, because I also noticed that I hold myself to a double-standard. I think of others as being beautiful people and I admire a lot of things about them. And when I think of the beautiful women I know, although they are all gorgeous, I think of them as more than that.

So why can't I see myself as more than that?

Everyday I feel insecure about the way I look. Every. Day. And it is something that I feel guilty about, for not truly believing in my worth as a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I decided that I don't want to feel this way anymore, and this challenge is a good starting spot.

Let's stop rating ourselves on scales from 1-10. Let's stop trying to fit into pants that are too small because we care so much about that number on the tag. Let's stop comparing ourselves to each other. Let's stop making fake faces in our social media photos just to get a few more likes. Let's appreciate the wonderful bodies we've been given and all the good we can do with them.

Take the challenge.

Today was day one: making peace with the mirror.

This was my experience:

Writing these was surprisingly hard. I had a tough time coming up with meaningful things that I actually would benefit from reading every day of this challenge. I was surprised at how hard it was for me to come up with genuine statements or questions about myself that would make me feel empowered, because so often my self-talk is negative.

I recently dated a boy who said that he noticed "I was kind of shy."

I was taken aback by that comment, because although I consider myself an introvert (an extreme introvert), I don't consider myself to be shy.

But he said that one of his reasons behind that thought was that when I laughed, I would cover my mouth with my hand.

It got me thinking about how I sometimes refrain myself because I don't want to stand out; I don't want the attention on me. Even laughing loudly happens only when I'm around people I'm comfortable with.

I wanted this to be a focus of my day, and I think I did a pretty good job.

In fact, I participated in a dance party tonight with my favorite pseudo-roommates and some friends in the ward, and I danced ridiculously and laughed loudly and sang at the top of my lungs. And it felt good to let it go.

Tomorrow: Making peace with your hair.

Ward Service Auction

So I just have to start off by saying I LOVE my ward. Seriously, it's the best ward I've been in at school.

We had an awesome activity last week.

People signed up services to auction off, and we all got some fake cash to bid with for the items.

credit to Tyler Lewis

Our lovely Emcee: 

Some items up for auction:

-date to the Utah Symphony (I got outbid on this one, it was sad.)

-Kissing lessons

-rock climbing lesson

-ukulele lesson

-serenade

-assorted food

-apartment cleaning

-A photo shoot with #mikeswindle

-paper editing

-dance lessons

It was so much fun!

Credit to Tyler Lewis

Jordan does not understand the concept of an auction:

MC: "Okay we'll start the bidding at 15!"

Jordan: "120!"

I made chocolate chip pumpkin bread for my item:

Thank you to my lovely ward for being friendly and attending these activities so that I can be entertained!

chalk the block

I'm not totally a hermit!

This weekend the Shops at the Riverwoods hosted "Chalk the Block."

Each store has an artist and they create a piece of art with chalk as their medium.

Some of them were silly, some were meaningful, and some were just worth swooning over. (Helloooooooo, giant Benedict Cumberbatch.)

There was a live band, food carts, and all that jazz. It really is quite a quaint little outdoor mall.

I would have snapped some more pictures, but these married delinquents couldn't stay still enough!

So we just left it up to the photobooth.

And let me tell you, it's hard to fit four people in a photobooth.

If you're ever in Provo, go to Pacific Beach Resort in the Riverwoods. They have a little ice cream parlor that apparently is amazing. Steven was in heaven.

My poor little lactose-free stomach was sad I missed out.

thoughts on coming back to school

Day one: Karoline and Steven picked me up from the airport, we went to Chen's for dinner, and I helped them put together ikea furniture.

-gag me

-kill me

-I don't want to be here

-aw, Steven and Karoline are so cute and domestic

-Pretty Little Liars, I just can't quit you.

-THREE SPIDERS I'VE SEEN IN MY APARTMENT, KILL ME

-Wow, it's taken me like four hours to fall asleep

Day two: unpacked, applied for jobs, made the stupid decision to walk to smith's in 95 degrees.

-why did I make the stupid decision to walk this far when it's this hot?

-now I smell bad

-I hate job searching

-I have nothing to do

-Hey, I want to watch "The Holiday!"

-That was a good decision.

Day three: more job applications, temple, grocery shopping at the creamery

-I still hate job searching

-I have nothing to do

-Going to the temple oh yeah!

-why is no one else walking around here, is it closed?

-there are three people here, right on

-the creamery is overpriced

-MMMM GRAHAM CANYON ICE CREAM

-I'm going to waste my life watching teen wolf.

Day three: job searching, sister visited, finally got all my stuff

-why do I insist on pretending I'm not lactose intolerant? (see above)

-Who cares, MORE ICE CREAM

-I still still hate job searching

-I need to go get my i.d. card, better make myself look presentable

-Magelby's is still as delicious as ever.

-Shout out to josh for giving me his student discount card

-I should probably listen to some new music instead of the same vampire weekend album on repeat. Is this the seventh time I've listened to it since being here?

-Yay all my stuff

Day four (today): got a job, finished my room

-please don't make me walk all the way across campus to get a job I don't really want

-hey look, I got the job

-I should probably update my blog

These are from Vladimir!

awww precious times

yes, those hearts are from karoline's bridal shower. and yes, I still have two stuffed animals.

Hey, look, my closet is entirely filled with just skirts and dresses!

I am a classy lady.

But really I just hate pants.

the "cabin"

we had a little opera chorus retreat today up in hobble creek canyon. which is beautiful right now; covered in untouched, unmuddy, snow. so mariah says, "oh, my family has a cabin up in the canyon, we should go there!"
...right. cabin. try, the most beautiful small mansion I've ever seen. It was so lovely.

no big deal, just a set of nancy drew hardcovers.

and a narnia themed roomed. with a hand-painted mural. oh, not to mention they also had a lord of the rings room, a dr. seuss room, and a beatrix potter room.

oh, we might have rehearsed, too. but really I just creeped on mariah's cabin.

awful waffle

If I ever ate out again, I would probably go here. also, shout out to my friends that put up with me shoving a camera in their food every time we go somewhere. props.

the triple date.

It's not a competition, right?

Team Josh+Kelli (aka the best team):

if that's not the best gingerbread dorothy you've ever seen, you're wrong.

this was josh's idea of getting dorothy to stay standing. quote: "she's not going ANYWHERE."

Team Karoline+Steven:

what is this, pinterest? get out, try-hards.

Team Camille+Kyle:

props to Camille and Kyle, whose roof fell in and they still made it work. but Josh and I still won.