peace out, freshman year part IV: Things I Learned at College

alas, the final installment of the series. missed the other parts?

click here. and here. and here.

And here's the list:

Just because it says chicken on the package does not mean it’s actually meat. I’m looking at you, buddig.

Nutella is its own food group.

Be quiet on the bus. No one wants to hear about your dog’s bowel problems.

It is possible to only attend a class for two weeks and still get a B in it. I don’t recommend this path though.

Never leave things on your porch. People will seran wrap them.

Sell your books back at the beginning of bookstore buy-back week before they reach their quotas.

Going by fake names at food places only works until you give them your debit card.

If you drop something in front of a pretty sheltered boy, you probably shouldn’t say “balls.” They don’t really appreciate the sentiment.

Laundry: the gentle cycle? Please. The regular cycles don’t even get your clothes clean.

You probably shouldn’t pack your ghetto fridge full of food. It will freeze the stuff in the back and everything in the front will go bad.

Don’t go on a blind date with someone five years older than you. Awkward…

If you don’t like talking to people, sit in the middle of the row. Everyone else pulls the douche bag move and crowds the edges.

Yes, you can live off bread and cookie dough.

People like you more if you give them food.

The internet goes on forever. Your due dates don’t.

No one wants to see you making out on the grass with your significant other.

Probably check if there’s toilet paper before you go to the bathroom.

Don’t be alarmed when you find people sleeping in the bathroom, library cubbies, hallways, etc.

You probably won’t make your solid friends until a few months into school. Everyone else is adjusting too. It takes people awhile to get settled and really act like themselves.

Advice I should take but don’t: don’t make weird noses. People think it’s weird.

Don’t be the guy that takes their shoes off in class.

   

Peace out freshman year, part III: the prank war.

part I aaaand part II.

once upon a time there was a boy who was being a punk. so karoline and i plastic wrapped his car. and whilst in the act, a fellow from our complex came and helped and wrote all over his windows.

we were expecting a swift retaliation. but, alas, nothing happened for several days.

As we were packing up our apartment, we heard a scuffle outside our door, and opened it to see:

they had also stolen melanie's and karoline's shoes.

mine and karoline's move?

i know you're jealous of my hat.

we destroyed their apartment and stole their shoes.

several hours later they returned our confiscated items in this form:

plastic wrapped AND covered in shaving cream. our poor guard-kitty.

seeing as we still had their shoes (we were trying to freeze them in a bucket of water. this did not work.), they double-pranked us.

this is what we awoke to:

they proceeded to clean up the mess they made, while we plotted...

later we were taking a casual stroll in the parking lot and Alex's windows just happened to be down far enough for us to unlock his doors. so we completed phase one: sticker attack. and later that evening we secured our victory with the herpes of all art supplies: GLITTER.

needless to say, we won.

also, prank wars are an excellent distraction from finals and packing. and they may or may not be just a little addicting...

peace out freshman year: part II, the finals death scare

Part two of the  "Peace out Freshman Year" series. and here is part I.

Post-death scare/end of finals celebratory dinner!

Alright, so the last day of finals was last thursday. I had a scheduled piano final at 8 AM that morning and my physical science final. Thursday comes and I'm up at 7:30 to go take my piano final. I rock it. Then I head over to the testing center.

Now, sometimes I feel really sick in the mornings. Promise I'm not pregnant. And the sickness didn't fail to show up that morning. I am mentally pep-talking myself to just power through it, because there is no way I am standing in that line again. So after about twenty minutes in line I feel like I am going to pass out. And there is just no way around this. I head to an upstairs bathroom to sit down. I walk in and do a double-take in the mirror: my face is BRIGHT red. no exaggeration, folks. It looked like a really bad sunburn. And guess what? On closer examination it wasn't just my face. No, no. It was my ENTIRE BODY. So that's why people were staring at me in line.

You know in Willy Wonka where the girl eats the pill and turns into a giant blueberry? That was me. Except I didn't take a pill. Annnnnd I'm not addicted to chewing bubblegum. And I wasn't inflating. And I was red, not blue. But the point still stands.

I called Karoline to come rescue me and after an hour or so it went away so I went back to take my test. Then once in the testing center, my phone decides to go off. Which wouldn't be a big deal if I had a normal ringtone. But no, I have "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy" as my ringtone. Long story. So it goes off (loudly) and everyone starts laughing. Awkward. And get this: some kid starts whistling the rest of the song. Oh, my life.

peace out freshman year: part 1, the overview

first of all, you should be aware that i am writing this in karoline's parents' house. without karoline here. also that i slept until 1 this afternoon. haters gon' hate.

anyway, i am going to be posting a (so far) 4-part "peace out freshman year" series. because my freshman year is over. in case you didn't gather that by the title. okay. i'm in a really weird mood. moving on...

this one is just a little overview of my last week here. 

i should inform you that i am not a very sentimental person. very rare and special occasions will warrant me feeling the emotion of "bittersweet." i usually just feel the sweet side. but i will say that i was a little sad watching everyone pack up their stuff and drive away this week. however, that could have just been brought on by jealousy considering i am insane and decided to stay spring term. merp. but i just realized that my freshman year is over. and no matter if i got along with people or even knew them that well, they were a part of this year. it just went by really fast and it's sort of a blur and it's hard to think that i'm done and never getting this year back. wow there were a lot of "and"s in that sentence. my bad. so i wanted to make the most of my last week.

which leads us to the night i had the most awkward photos of my life taken of me. i hiked up the y with some kids in my ward on monday night. lucky for you i have a low embarrassment threshold so i'll share the pictures with you.

and last, but my favorite:

i am just obviously so HAWT. and yes that is a 90s workout suit. there is a reason this blog is titled "awkward troll adventures"...

it was a good time though. we laid upside down on the y (scariest thing ever) and had an N*SYNC dance party. good times.

shoutout to Jake for holding my foot because i was going to die.

  

i promise the rest of the posts won't be as ridiculously long as this one. but there you have it. coming soon: "the finals death scare." dun dun dun...